My inner voice is telling me I don’t look like a runner.

Do you have any tools or scripts that could be used when either the brain, or an exterior influence, suggests bodies “should” look a certain way to be a real runner?

Women runners can often feel bombarded by the world around us that to be a “real runner” our bodies should fit into a mould to look like a “real runner”.  Social media has a lot to answer for in promoting having a “runner’s body” but those self-critical thoughts can also come from inside our own heads too.

Self talk.

On average, we have around 60,000 thoughts a day and a high proportion tend to be negative.  This is because our brains are hard wired to protect us.  Think about being a caveperson and needing to look out for sabre tooth tigers leaping out to eat us.  Hopefully there’s not any tigers chasing you on your run now but our brains are always on the look out for danger.  That’s why we tend to notice the negatives more than the positives.  Helpful for running away from a tiger, not so much for managing negative self-talk about our bodies.

How do we manage that bullying voice in our heads?

Firstly, remember that thoughts aren’t facts.  Our thoughts happen automatically, so we can’t help negative thoughts popping into our heads but we do have a choice how we respond to them.  We have the power to challenge our thoughts.

Thought challenging:

Our thoughts, feelings, physiology and actions are all linked together.

To challenge a thought, we need to have a mini jury in our heads and look at the evidence for and against the thought.  What could the evidence be in support of the thought of not looking like a real runner?  “I saw 25 reels on Instagram this morning that showed one body type for runners”; “I don’t look the same as other runners”; “Real runners are small and lean”.

And what’s the evidence against?  

Does social media represent reality?  Up to 90% of images we see on social media are manipulated: through photo editing, filters, lighting, posing etc.; influencers are often promoting a product and social media is heavily embedded in diet culture.  What we see isn’t real and even if we know it isn’t real, research has shown these images can still have a negative impact on our body image.

Is comparing ourselves to others helpful?  

Probably not – remember we tend to notice the negative in ourselves so will generally notice the positives in other people’s bodies.

Also, we only see a snapshot of other people, we don’t see what they look like for every moment of every day.  And none of us look the same, we’re all unique, amazing individuals.

Does being a “real runner” have anything to do with what you look like?  

What do you really admire about other runners?  Their determination, their resilience, their kindness or how they look in their kit?  And there’s actually a great deal of body diversity in running from everyday runners to elites, we just have to notice it.

Hopefully we can all see that the jury would agree with the evidence against!

But how can we change this narrative?  What can we tell ourselves instead?

Our bodies are instruments, not ornaments.  We’re aiming for body neutrality, rather than body positivity.  It would be great if we could all entirely love our bodies and appearance but that’s not realistic for most people.  Neutrality is about accepting your body for what it does, rather than what it looks like.  Remember, what you look like is the least interesting thing about you.

Tools for managing these thoughts.

Instead of saying you that don’t look like a real runner, try saying these ideas instead:

• I have a body and I run, so I have a runner’s body.
• Health does not have a look; runners come in all shapes and sizes.
• Being a runner is so much more than what I look like: it’s about moving with joy, being in nature, social connection, working towards goals, having fun.
• Try showing gratitude to your body for what it can do, rather than what it looks like: e.g. “thank you legs for carrying me through my 5km”; thank you stomach and core for digesting the fuel I need to move and holding me up while I run”.
• I respect my body by nourishing it, fuelling it and moving it in a way that brings me joy because my body deserves this, not because of how I look.
• I don’t need to love every part of my body to respect it.
• I run because it makes me feel good, not because I’m trying to change or control my body.
• It’s ok if I don’t feel positive about my body. I don’t have to love my body to still take care of it.

Some of these ideas and phrases might not feel very real the first time you say them to yourself.  This is just because we become used to being self-critical and it can feel strange to say something different.  But the more we repeat these positive thoughts, the more we’ll eventually start to believe them.  You could try writing some ideas on post-its around your mirror or saying a few phrases to yourself each night before you go to sleep.  I’d also recommend a social media clear out – unfollow or block any accounts that make you feel bad about yourself.

It's normal to have self-critical thoughts about not looking like a runner but remember, we don’t have to listen!  Our bodies are our homes and they deserve kindness, nourishment and acceptance.